We’ve been living on Maui for a little over 13 months now, and as much as I write about the island, including for this blog and my day job blogging for other companies, I feel like I have a pretty good handle on the best of Maui, from sandwiches to naked people to make-out spots.

So let me share.


Best of Maui: The Best Place To…


Purchase a Ballin’ Sandwich: 808 Deli

Because sandwiches are an important food group and are relatively easy to eat whilst sitting in sand. Also all of their sandwiches are $8 or less, which is like $4 in the rest of the United States.

kaanapali beach maui


Enjoy a Solid Cocktail: Capische or Monkeypod

For those of you who dig a good cocktail, meaning one whose ingredients did not come from a fruit-fly ridden plastic bottle and questionably expired can of fake fruit juice, head here for happy hour and watch the sunset.

best cocktails maui


Stop Sweating: Kula or Wai’anapanapa Caves

It’s eternal summer in Hawaii. We know that. And sometimes, however briefly, we’d like to pause our incessant sweat glands. Go to the Upcountry town of Kula to enjoy cool breezes of wonder or take a dip in the freezing freshwater caves of Hana.

road to hana caves


Nearly Die Slash Enjoy a Perfect Beach Day: Big Beach

Depending on the size of the shore break that day, as well as your comfort level in the ocean, this is either the worst beach or best beach to live out your ultimate beach fantasy in tropical heaven. Also it’s a top contender for seeing ass cracks and nipples that were never meant to be seen, compliments of aforementioned shore break.

maui shorebreak


Watch Naked People Play with Fire & Drums: Little Beach

If it’s really ass cracks and nipples you’re after, you’re in luck! Hop over the hill from Big Beach and enjoy many nude humans in all their leathery glory. We were here yesterday and saw a very drunk girl catch herself on fire, so it’s also apparently the best place on Maui to do that.

little beach sundays


Sip Coffee made by an Attractive Person with Dreadlocks: Paia Bay Coffee

This cozy outdoor coffee shop serves up yummy breakfast sandwiches, a bangin’ drink called the Dirty Chai and lots of friendly customers with accents and pants made of linen. You can also sometimes enjoy coffee with an attractive person with dreadlocks. And shirts made of awesome.

coffee shops maui


Eat Pie with an Ocean View: Auntie Lorraine’s in Kahakuloa

DUDE. Auntie Lorraine has a doctorate in Pie Skills. She has the sweetest little property on Maui and sells banana bread, shave ice and pie out of her garage. Grab a seat in her beautiful backyard and enjoy the moment. And the pie. It’s all magical.

best of maui


Have a Holy Shit Moment: Whale Watching in the Ocean

Whales are insanely badass. That is a fact. There are tons of them in Hawaii between December and April every year, so take a boat tour or paddle out in a kayak and get high on holy shit levels of mother nature.

maui whale season


Die a Horrible Death of Stupidity: Nakalele Blowhole

You know what’s inside a blowhole, besides swirling, crashing waves of terror? Death. Stupid, horrible, good for nothin’ deathly death. Don’t look inside a blowhole. Watch it from afar, like baseball and the drunk person at the far end of the bar.

blowhole maui


Discover the General Time Frame for when Jesus is Coming: Lahaina

Actually this is in reference to The Eagles song The Last Resort in which they mention the town of Lahaina and how the missionaries came and took over, but yeah. Keep an eye out for Jesus.

Jesus Coming Soon


Make Out Under the Stars: Everywhere

Literally everywhere.

maui sunset


See, I done told y’all. When it comes to the best of Maui, Travelin’ Fools knows best.