From time to time, I like to scan through the analytics of this blog to check for several things, including the most frequent search terms that lead people here, which posts regularly get the most views, the percentage of new readers versus repeat visitors, which sites send the greatest number of readers my way, and generally how I’m doing in terms of reaching the traveling audience I’m shooting for. And let me just say, y’all are weird and I dig it.

Mostly because, amidst this mind-numbingly boring but necessary task, I came across a fuckin’ gold mine of giggles. You see, there’s this one area of reporting that tells me the specific search terms of people who found Travelin’ Fools.

Now, rest assured that I am in no way trying to make fun of you for finding my website. In fact, the weirder the search terms, the more I enjoy them. Keep doing you. Plus, these analytics certainly don’t tell me who typed in the search terms (or if it does, I’m not well-educated enough to find it, nor will I ever care enough to do so), so please oh please, keep on doing your anonymous weird searching, homies.

In the meantime, I’m going to share some of my personal favorites. Enjoy.


Travelin’ Fools Search Terms

“maui woman meth bust”

“moonrise kingdom rainstorm”

“johnny depp sloth”


“why hawaiians hate haoles white entitlement”

“best places to fool around in maui”

“top nude photos from little beach maui”

“hawaii locals are bitch made”

“weed grown on barge”

“why cant they dance in maui”

“buying drugs on maui”

“unique laws in maui that get tourist in trouble”

“tittie bar in maui”

“baked shit like”

“maui hatred of mainlanders”

“sloth neighbors”

“waianae moms using meth”

“coconut bras kihei”

“pissing aloha”

“haoles taking shit in kauai”

“why do some hawaiian think differently some people are kanaka and some are not”

“camping with christmas lights”

“what is really under the south pacific ocean”

“hairy filipino guy punk”

“eating is wonderful”

“keeping sloths warm”

“couchsurfing jewish ibiza”

“dumb fobs in hawaii”

“world mover big ass”


and last but not least, and perhaps my personal favorite…

“sand in naked ass crack”

y'all are weird and i dig it