There are a lot of things people do have time for on Maui – swimming, surfing, hiking, paddling, beach barbecues, shave ice, plate lunches, drinking heineken, talking story, cruising to Hana, you name it.
But this isn’t that list.
Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That: Maui Edition
Lookin’ Professional
Pumps? Power suits? Hair straighteners? Pssshhh. It’s hot, y’all, and there’s sand and wind and just… nope. Bust out your brightest aloha shirt, leave your shoes at the door and get down to business so we can get back to life.
Pretension
I went to the grand opening of a new yoga studio last week (in order to photograph and write about it later), and the owner refused to let anyone take photos of the ribbon-cutting besides her posse of professional photographers. Umm… it’s Paia. Ain’t nobody got time for that, sistah. Downward dog that nonsense.
Bein’ on Time
Maui time. It’s a real thing. But it’s all good. The idea is that if you’ve got the time, take it. Ain’t nobody got time for a timeframe.
The Law
So you’re saying we can’t legally drink on the beach? Uh huh. <opens delicious frosty adult beverage>
Freakin’ Out
When Oprah lives up the volcano from you, Clint Eastwood and Steven Tyler live down the street from you, and you pass Willie Nelson and Woody Harrelson’s house on the way to work, stardom starts to seem a lot more chill. Ain’t nobody got time for hyperventilating, tween-like starstruck foolishness.
Extreme Self-Consciousness
When you live in a place with year-round swimsuit weather, you have to two options – 1) consistently bust your ass to flaunt your rockin’ beach bod, or 2) say meh and stop giving two shits. Ain’t nobody got time for avoiding the beach (or wearing baggy shorts in the ocean) just ’cause of a little extra cushion. In fact, the smaller your bottoms, the more you’ll fit in. Work it. There’s always those pasty Canadians to make you feel better, anyway. No offense, Canadians, you’re just generally pretty pasty.
License Plate Originality
It’s the rainbow or it’s nothin’! Anyone who ships their car to Hawaii has 30 days to change their license plate. Or something happens. I’m not sure what, but it’s something.
Racism
Hawaii has no ethnic majority and the highest percentage of multiracial residents in the country. That means you can’t go around spoutin’ crazy-rude racial comments, Vermonters. Just kidding. I have no idea if there is racism in Vermont. I just know that it’s a sea of white people over there.
Socks & Shoes
Also known as foot prisons. And no thank you.
Sittin’ in Traffic
True story, everywhere else but Oahu.
Kelsey,
Great post. We just returned to Texas from Maui a couple of weeks ago.You hit the nail on the head. I’m getting used to the fine art of wearing slippahs. We also noticed, the only time you heard a car horn was when someone was waiving hi to a friend. Definitely a completely different lifestyle. north Texas is a lot like Hawaii these days. We have earthquakes (frakking) and Lake Grapevine looks like the Pacific Occean. Ok, that’s going a little too far but there’s a lot more water than there’s supposed to be.
Mahalo for the laughs.
Mike W.
Mahalo, Mike! Hope you had a great time while you were here. And I know, all the flooding looks crazy over there! Stay safe and I’ll keep sending good weather thoughts (and plenty of aloha vibes) your way.
If you don’t have a great time in Maui I’d have to question your definition of a great time. This was a scouting trip for us as well as vacation. The plan is for a move to Maui next year after I retire. We picked up some good info on costs of housing and food. My wife was able to make a few work inquiries, she’s going to continue to work, so it was a very productive trip.
Aloha Kelsey, any tips on where to live that’s budget friendly if the hostels are booked (until I get an apt or ohana) ? Mahalo
Aloha! Hmm, I’d try checking out short term rentals on Craigslist and see if you can find anyone that’s renting out their place or a room for a week or two. We personally did that with our place before and it seemed to work out. Otherwise I’m not so sure, as most places seem to be (unfortunately) pretty expensive. Best of luck!
Ugh, makes me ‘home’ sick! I usually spend two weeks in May there, just didnt work out this year. Thought maybe I’ll take my vacation somewhere else this year…but seeing this makes me think NOT! ha Mahalo for the reminder 😉
Maui is a super hard place to say not to, I feel ya. Anytime, and hope you can come back soon!
We love Maui and will be back. We have some good friends(the travel board) that want us to come so badly but it just has not worked out. Maybe winter this year. Road to Hana is one of the best drives in the world! OId Lahaina Luau is also a must! The Extreme Doors Off Helicopter Ride in Maui was ok, not worth spending the $$ though.
Aloha, David! Agreed. Winter is the best time to come to Maui, in my opinion. Add whale watching from an outrigger canoe, camping on Lana’i, Big Beach and Iao Valley to your list and you’re golden. Hope you get the chance to make it out again soon!
Thanks for the travel info! Love your little blog. We’re headed to maui next month from VT and planning to just bring our hammocks and camp it out.
PS there are SO many refugees in VT, at least in Burlington where we are- not a sea of white people! I have yet to hear anyone spouting racial comments!
Haha! Thanks for reading, Alyssa! And glad to hear about Vermont 🙂
Camping on Maui is one of my favorite things ever – I wrote a pretty detailed post about it here… https://travelinfools.com/camping-maui/. Hope it helps, and enjoy your trip! P.S. Definitely bring tarps and rain gear – it’s rainy season!
Hilarious … love your blog, fellow travelin’ fools !
I’m oldish and greyish but spent over 10 years roaming the globe back in the 70’s and 80’s (lived on Maui for a long spell in ’78-’80, worked at Longhi’s, shared a 1-bed condo in Napili with 2 surfers) and then headed out to further adventures … “have $100, will travel” was our motto … Pacific, Aussi, NZealand, all the hell over Asia and India, over to Europe, and … hit Switzerland and am still here after the monthly crisis of “should we stay or should we go … dudhdudhduh…” Still get to move around quite a bit, including back to Hawaii regularly when we can. Am settled in a chalet in a wild area, and getting ready to semi-retire. Maui beckons again … has been a strange & magical trip so far and hope to keep it fluid. Long life and happy trails to you, godspeed and all that …
Strange and magical is always the best combination! Sounds like you’ve been lucky enough to see lots of the world, too! I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland – it looks so beautiful there, but the closest I’ve gotten is Annecy in France. Hope you make it back to Maui sometime! We are actually moving to Australia next month, so happy trails to us indeed. Thanks for reading, and here’s to an adventurous retirement!