There are a lot of things people do have time for on Maui – swimming, surfing, hiking, paddling, beach barbecues, shave ice, plate lunches, drinking heineken, talking story, cruising to Hana, you name it.
But this isn’t that list.
Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That: Maui Edition
Pumps? Power suits? Hair straighteners? Pssshhh. It’s hot, y’all, and there’s sand and wind and just… nope. Bust out your brightest aloha shirt, leave your shoes at the door and get down to business so we can get back to life.
I went to the grand opening of a new yoga studio last week (in order to photograph and write about it later), and the owner refused to let anyone take photos of the ribbon-cutting besides her posse of professional photographers. Umm… it’s Paia. Ain’t nobody got time for that, sistah. Downward dog that nonsense.
Bein’ on Time
Maui time. It’s a real thing. But it’s all good. The idea is that if you’ve got the time, take it. Ain’t nobody got time for a timeframe.
So you’re saying we can’t legally drink on the beach? Uh huh. <opens delicious frosty adult beverage>
When Oprah lives up the volcano from you, Clint Eastwood and Steven Tyler live down the street from you, and you pass Willie Nelson and Woody Harrelson’s house on the way to work, stardom starts to seem a lot more chill. Ain’t nobody got time for hyperventilating, tween-like starstruck foolishness.
When you live in a place with year-round swimsuit weather, you have to two options – 1) consistently bust your ass to flaunt your rockin’ beach bod, or 2) say meh and stop giving two shits. Ain’t nobody got time for avoiding the beach (or wearing baggy shorts in the ocean) just ’cause of a little extra cushion. In fact, the smaller your bottoms, the more you’ll fit in. Work it. There’s always those pasty Canadians to make you feel better, anyway. No offense, Canadians, you’re just generally pretty pasty.
License Plate Originality
It’s the rainbow or it’s nothin’! Anyone who ships their car to Hawaii has 30 days to change their license plate. Or something happens. I’m not sure what, but it’s something.
Hawaii has no ethnic majority and the highest percentage of multiracial residents in the country. That means you can’t go around spoutin’ crazy-rude racial comments, Vermonters. Just kidding. I have no idea if there is racism in Vermont. I just know that it’s a sea of white people over there.
Socks & Shoes
Also known as foot prisons. And no thank you.
Sittin’ in Traffic
True story, everywhere else but Oahu.